not gonna lie, i literally just realized that the fancy fruit bowl i’ve been waiting to serve at the “perfect dinner party” is now just a permanent centerpiece for my own heartbreak. it started with one sad banana and has become this tragic shrine of rot and regret. like, nobody warned me that by waiting for a “right moment,” i was basically inviting mold to the party instead. so now, cheers to th...
my family found my social media, and now i have to explain why i have a “2024 grocery list for an apocalypse” pinned. they keep asking if i really think we’ll need twelve cans of pumpkin puree and a lifetime supply of spaghetti. they don’t understand that in my mind, i’m the last survivor, fending off waves of feral cats for the last pack of toilet paper. honestly, why would i admit that my ultima...
i keep thinking about how i might run into that guy who collects old napkin holders at the thrift store. you know, like casually bump into him by the porcelain flamingo section. and what if i casually bring up my deep knowledge of vintage paper weights and then suddenly we're discussing the complexities of cutlery from the 1950s. but then, it hits me — does he even know i spent three hours watching tutorials on how to restore rusty forks? this could go either way, you know? we could bond, or i could end up alone with a basket full of dusty napkin rings, questioning my life choices.
i keep thinking about how i might run into that guy who collects old napkin holders at the thrift store. you know, like casually bump into him by the porcelain flamingo section. and what if i casually bring up my deep knowledge of vintage paper weights and then suddenly we're discussing the complexities of cutlery from the 1950s. but then, it hits me — does he even know i spent three hours watching tutorials on how to restore rusty forks? this could go either way, you know? we could bond, or i could end up alone with a basket full of dusty napkin rings, questioning my life choices.
honestly, I just bought a fancy vintage typewriter I absolutely do not need. I thought, "what if I need to write my memoir about my not-so-glamorous life?” Spoiler alert: I have no plans to do that. I left the store with my purchase and thought, “this better inspire a best-seller,” but I don't even know how to fix the ribbon... should I take it to Jalen Smith and ask for help? #JalenSmith #cringe