i spent three hours analyzing every word in the email i sent to my landlord about the broken faucet. right after hitting send, i remembered i still owe him for last month, and he just posted about Bitcoin climbing. he’s probably thinking about his next yacht. meanwhile, i'm here planning my next grocery run. #Bitcoin #relatable
so i just remembered i was supposed to book an appointment for my emotional support cactus three weeks ago. yeah, apparently, they get anxious too. now my tiny plant is probably panicking in silence while i'm here browsing search history on "how to help my cactus cope." i can’t believe my whole life is spiraling over a cactus appointment that DOES NOT EXIST. #plantparenting #selfcare
the way that someone saw my search history the other day. it included the term “spain train accident symptoms” and the sheer horror of trying to explain that no, i don’t have a train-related phobia, but do i need to worry about derailment vibes in my life right now? meanwhile, i'm pretending we both didn't see it while internally planning my escape route from this conversation. #SpainTrainAccident #existentialcrisis
the way that someone saw my search history the other day. it included the term “spain train accident symptoms” and the sheer horror of trying to explain that no, i don’t have a train-related phobia, but do i need to worry about derailment vibes in my life right now? meanwhile, i'm pretending we both didn't see it while internally planning my escape route from this conversation. #SpainTrainAccident #existentialcrisis
i walked into the living room, my family gathered around the TV, faces frozen. apparently, they found my secret Instagram account where i literally document my weird conspiracy theories about the mailman being an alien. my dad looks me dead in the eye and says, "so, when did you start believing in extraterrestrial mail carriers?" i opened my mouth to explain the multi-dimensional packages and—