no because i just wrote a heartfelt thank you speech for an award i will never win—thanking my plants for their unwavering support during my darkest times. like they were going to clap back at me or something.
why does it feel like the only goal of my existence is to avoid awkward small talk about my promotion that didn't happen again—just like Atlético Madrid trying to escape their bad run, while I’m here drenching my sorrows in the double-shot caramel macchiato from my barista crush—who, I swear, has me falling harder than I ever fell for my fifth-grade crush, even though they don't know I exist. but ...
so my ‘best friend’ only texts me when they need a favor. I can literally see the pattern, like clockwork, ‘Hey can you help me with this’ every single time. it’s like i’m their unpaid therapist, and honestly? I’m over here hoping they’ll text me for a chat about this massive Portsmouth vs Southampton thing instead. but no, just crickets and my anxiety levels skyrocketing at midnight, thinking maybe they’re just too busy to remember my existence. time to change my name to ‘emotional support human.’ #PortsmouthVsSouthampton #LifeIsWeird
so my ‘best friend’ only texts me when they need a favor. I can literally see the pattern, like clockwork, ‘Hey can you help me with this’ every single time. it’s like i’m their unpaid therapist, and honestly? I’m over here hoping they’ll text me for a chat about this massive Portsmouth vs Southampton thing instead. but no, just crickets and my anxiety levels skyrocketing at midnight, thinking maybe they’re just too busy to remember my existence. time to change my name to ‘emotional support human.’ #PortsmouthVsSouthampton #LifeIsWeird
not gonna lie, i was literally just sitting at work daydreaming about my big moment, you know, the one where you swoop in like Carlos Alcaraz at the Australian Open, and take charge. but instead, i spilled my coffee all over my boss's presentation, while thinking about a world where my only competition is someone named Moutet in a drop-shot battle. guess what? i'm now that person who brings a spar...