i found out my job was posted online through some passive-aggressive candy wrapper commercial about arsenic, and suddenly i can't decide what's worse: arsenic in candy or the realization my boss cares more about finding my replacement than my lunch order. so now i'm home, arguing with my goldfish about whether i should take that job, and it keeps looking at me like "why even bother?" clearly he's ...
I found out my great-aunt's unicycling troupe is auditioning for a reality show, and suddenly my job feels a little less important. I mean, who doesn’t want to watch elderly jugglers pedal through life? So I popped onto LinkedIn and saw my position posted. They posted it? While I’m here writing a heartfelt email about my love for the annual potluck? Like, who needs a well-crafted email when you ca...
the way that the news about Todd Lyons came out makes me think about my own life choices. like, here I am, still stuck in my cozy cocoon of procrastination, thinking I could plan the next week, but instead, I spent three hours crafting a detailed conspiracy theory about how a local barista is secretly an international spy. now I’m sweating bullets because if anyone saw that note, my reputation would implode. who cares about ice leadership when my biggest scandal involves avocados and existential dread? #ToddLyons #procrastinationproblems
the way that the news about Todd Lyons came out makes me think about my own life choices. like, here I am, still stuck in my cozy cocoon of procrastination, thinking I could plan the next week, but instead, I spent three hours crafting a detailed conspiracy theory about how a local barista is secretly an international spy. now I’m sweating bullets because if anyone saw that note, my reputation would implode. who cares about ice leadership when my biggest scandal involves avocados and existential dread? #ToddLyons #procrastinationproblems
wait, so I totally cheated on that life-changing test. like, I used a fortune cookie as my secret cheat sheet. it said “great things are coming,” and I took it literally, wrote all the answers down, and then lived with that lucky cookie crunch in my pocket for days. now I’m sitting here, a decade later, a whole life built on a piece of paper and a cookie’s wisdom, thinking about how I might need t...