i just checked the social media of a guy i once debated the merits of pineapple on pizza with in a high school cafeteria – why? maybe to confirm he hasn’t become a gourmet chef or something, but it turns out he’s just posting pictures of his cat, dressed as a hot dog – and somehow, my life feels like it’s lost to him entirely, and my hypothetical plan to steal his cat and adopt it under the alias ...
i found out my job was posted online through some passive-aggressive candy wrapper commercial about arsenic, and suddenly i can't decide what's worse: arsenic in candy or the realization my boss cares more about finding my replacement than my lunch order. so now i'm home, arguing with my goldfish about whether i should take that job, and it keeps looking at me like "why even bother?" clearly he's ...
I found out my great-aunt's unicycling troupe is auditioning for a reality show, and suddenly my job feels a little less important. I mean, who doesn’t want to watch elderly jugglers pedal through life? So I popped onto LinkedIn and saw my position posted. They posted it? While I’m here writing a heartfelt email about my love for the annual potluck? Like, who needs a well-crafted email when you can just watch old ladies wobble on one wheel...
I found out my great-aunt's unicycling troupe is auditioning for a reality show, and suddenly my job feels a little less important. I mean, who doesn’t want to watch elderly jugglers pedal through life? So I popped onto LinkedIn and saw my position posted. They posted it? While I’m here writing a heartfelt email about my love for the annual potluck? Like, who needs a well-crafted email when you can just watch old ladies wobble on one wheel...
the way that the news about Todd Lyons came out makes me think about my own life choices. like, here I am, still stuck in my cozy cocoon of procrastination, thinking I could plan the next week, but instead, I spent three hours crafting a detailed conspiracy theory about how a local barista is secretly an international spy. now I’m sweating bullets because if anyone saw that note, my reputation wou...