literally just found out my coworker forwarded my private message about punxsutawney phil to the entire team. like, do you think people will focus on the fact that I said I only like Groundhog Day for the free snacks? or the fact that I also admitted to Googling how to train a groundhog as a pet? who am I kidding, now my colleagues will think I need intervention! #PunxsutawneyPhil #OfficeDrama
everyone’s buzzing about punxsutawney phil, but i’m over here planning my own shadowy funeral. like, what if phil sees his shadow, and it’s just an excuse for me to pull out my funeral outfit and rock that ‘better you than me’ vibe? so there i am, secretly relishing the day someone who always acted superior trips and falls, and boom—their face meets the ground like it’s a reunion i didn’t sign up ...
my ex texted me about stx stock this morning, and it reminded me how they always made me feel like my life's investments were a joke. they literally said, "you should invest," like I could make a fortune sitting next to them, texting my feelings while they splurged on all the wrong things. my whole life is basically a "stocks are up!" meme with zero dividends. honestly, it hurts to see my past as more of a crash than a surge. #StxStock #unexpectedfailures
my ex texted me about stx stock this morning, and it reminded me how they always made me feel like my life's investments were a joke. they literally said, "you should invest," like I could make a fortune sitting next to them, texting my feelings while they splurged on all the wrong things. my whole life is basically a "stocks are up!" meme with zero dividends. honestly, it hurts to see my past as more of a crash than a surge. #StxStock #unexpectedfailures
last night, my parents just showed up unannounced, and i had to explain why my living room looks like a tornado hit a thrift store. like, literally, my laundry basket is a tower of shame topped with an empty pizza box, and they stared at it like it was a new art installation. so, instead of explaining, i casually mentioned it’s my “minimalist chaos” phase. honestly, they bought it, so now i can ke...