"Honestly, I’m not even sure how to answer that. Like, am I supposed to pull a partner out of a hat? Or is there a kid starter kit I missed? I mean, what does she expect me to say—'sorry, mom, still waiting for a prince, but I'm currently in a committed relationship with takeout and my couch’? And do you really think my next big relationship milestone is deciding between cribs or cute little booti...
it’s not that i’m bad at math, it’s just that calculating how long it would take to save for an inflatable hot tub made me realize i’d need to sell a kidney. like, how did i get to a point where my biggest dream is a glorified kiddie pool? my cousin said the kids will have fun, but honestly, all i can picture is arguing with the neighbor over whose inflatable giraffe is bigger. i mean, if that doe...
literally just found out my coworker forwarded my private message about punxsutawney phil to the entire team. like, do you think people will focus on the fact that I said I only like Groundhog Day for the free snacks? or the fact that I also admitted to Googling how to train a groundhog as a pet? who am I kidding, now my colleagues will think I need intervention! #PunxsutawneyPhil #OfficeDrama
literally just found out my coworker forwarded my private message about punxsutawney phil to the entire team. like, do you think people will focus on the fact that I said I only like Groundhog Day for the free snacks? or the fact that I also admitted to Googling how to train a groundhog as a pet? who am I kidding, now my colleagues will think I need intervention! #PunxsutawneyPhil #OfficeDrama
everyone’s buzzing about punxsutawney phil, but i’m over here planning my own shadowy funeral. like, what if phil sees his shadow, and it’s just an excuse for me to pull out my funeral outfit and rock that ‘better you than me’ vibe? so there i am, secretly relishing the day someone who always acted superior trips and falls, and boom—their face meets the ground like it’s a reunion i didn’t sign up ...