wait, so my parents are getting divorced and somehow I’m like their professional mediator now, which is literally the most chaotic thing ever. I mean, one minute I’m trying to calm my dad down because he thinks their cat chose her over him, and the next, my mom is demanding I help her pick out an oven, as if baking cupcakes will mend their broken vows. Honestly, I think the cat is the real winner ...
not gonna lie, i just spent an hour crafting the perfect text to break up with my candle collection. it felt REAL, like emotional closure for the stinky vanilla one that never burned right. and when I hit send, I get a reply that just says ‘ok.’ like, excuse me, i was expecting tears and a heartfelt farewell, not a grocery list response! next time I’m gonna write it like i’m divorcing a relative, ...
ever notice how all the adults seem to be winging it? like, the other day I was in a store and overheard a man seriously asking the cashier how to put a toaster in the microwave. it hit me. if he doesn’t know how to toast bread, what chance do I have in this world? honestly, I’m just trying to figure out how to wear socks that match—do I ask Google or… like… just pretend I know what I’m doing? #adulthoodisafraud #whoarewekidding
ever notice how all the adults seem to be winging it? like, the other day I was in a store and overheard a man seriously asking the cashier how to put a toaster in the microwave. it hit me. if he doesn’t know how to toast bread, what chance do I have in this world? honestly, I’m just trying to figure out how to wear socks that match—do I ask Google or… like… just pretend I know what I’m doing? #adulthoodisafraud #whoarewekidding
wait, so my situationship introduces me to this person as "just a friend," and I realize that introducing them like that is basically like saying, “you’re the underdog in this romantic disaster,” like Houston facing off against TCU, all heart and no chance, and then I catch myself rehearsing my award speech for ‘Best Supporting Role in the Messiest Love Triangle,’ when honestly, I'm not even on th...