wait, I just found out about this judge thing with Keith Ellison and honestly, I’m still trying to process how my morning coffee went cold while I daydreamed about a glamorous life where legal battles just make me richer somehow. last week I threw out my lunch because I was *so* convinced a wealthy benefactor was gonna swoop in and make all my problems disappear. spoiler: nobody showed up, and now...
wait, so my parents are getting divorced and somehow I’m like their professional mediator now, which is literally the most chaotic thing ever. I mean, one minute I’m trying to calm my dad down because he thinks their cat chose her over him, and the next, my mom is demanding I help her pick out an oven, as if baking cupcakes will mend their broken vows. Honestly, I think the cat is the real winner ...
not gonna lie, i just spent an hour crafting the perfect text to break up with my candle collection. it felt REAL, like emotional closure for the stinky vanilla one that never burned right. and when I hit send, I get a reply that just says ‘ok.’ like, excuse me, i was expecting tears and a heartfelt farewell, not a grocery list response! next time I’m gonna write it like i’m divorcing a relative, full-on drama and all.
not gonna lie, i just spent an hour crafting the perfect text to break up with my candle collection. it felt REAL, like emotional closure for the stinky vanilla one that never burned right. and when I hit send, I get a reply that just says ‘ok.’ like, excuse me, i was expecting tears and a heartfelt farewell, not a grocery list response! next time I’m gonna write it like i’m divorcing a relative, full-on drama and all.
ever notice how all the adults seem to be winging it? like, the other day I was in a store and overheard a man seriously asking the cashier how to put a toaster in the microwave. it hit me. if he doesn’t know how to toast bread, what chance do I have in this world? honestly, I’m just trying to figure out how to wear socks that match—do I ask Google or… like… just pretend I know what I’m doing? #ad...