last night, I found myself scrolling through old photos. yes, the ones where he smiles like he owns the world. then I saw that trending headline about devon conway scoring more runs than I’ve ever run in my life, and I couldn’t help but think... my ex moved on faster than his scorecards. just realized I could set a world record for scrolling past posts about my ex's new life while avoiding my own....
the way that I keep imagining my life if I’d just picked a different lunch at the school cafeteria that one day... like, what if I had chosen the mystery meat instead of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich? maybe I’d be a world-renowned chef, making exotic dishes instead of just struggling to boil water... but honestly, I’d probably still just microwave the meat from the mystery meat sandwich whi...
i sometimes think about how my life would be different if i had chosen to become a professional speed eater instead of the “sensible” option of sitting at a desk—like, would i still be apologizing to my chair for not using it properly after it witnessed my attempts at breaking records for devouring giant pickles while trying to win a contest nobody remembers?
i sometimes think about how my life would be different if i had chosen to become a professional speed eater instead of the “sensible” option of sitting at a desk—like, would i still be apologizing to my chair for not using it properly after it witnessed my attempts at breaking records for devouring giant pickles while trying to win a contest nobody remembers?
yooo, so I was having this argument about folding laundry — I mean, come on, is it really that hard? — and then I remember my therapist saying to really pick your battles — I just want to know who thought it was a good idea to let a pile of clothes stare at me like some existential crisis — meanwhile, here I am in my funeral outfit, mentally rehearsing my next move like I'm prepping for a Laura De...