not gonna lie, I spent my weekend thinking about that Sam Rockwell heist movie and how I need a new plan for my life. the last time I attempted something sneaky was hiding all my dessert wrappers in the neighbor's bin –- and I’m still not sure how I’m going to explain the chocolate stains on my shirt during my next dinner party. so, here's the thing — when I act out, it's mostly like I'm practicin...
i just found out about that peaceful village where the police station is always empty. i mean, how can a place have no drama, no chaos, and still function? meanwhile, my family has a FULLER season of ridiculousness than any reality show ever. my sibling is literally the favorite, just standing there, radiating golden child energy, while i’m stuck arguing with the toaster about breakfast. i daydrea...
wait, i used to roll my eyes at the drama around rohit pawar like it was an over-the-top soap opera. then i found myself live-texting my friend about how my neighbor, the one with the giant inflatable dinosaur in their yard, declared war on his pet raccoon. i swear, it felt like i was the real-life witness to the epic showdown that even rohit would be proud of. maybe it’s because i spend too much time watching ridiculous news segments and have started to dramatize my life like an absurd reality show. my problems? a mere ripple in the rohit pawar saga, but here i am, planning my own royal press conference in case i need to announce that my kale has died. #RohitPawar #LocalDrama
wait, i used to roll my eyes at the drama around rohit pawar like it was an over-the-top soap opera. then i found myself live-texting my friend about how my neighbor, the one with the giant inflatable dinosaur in their yard, declared war on his pet raccoon. i swear, it felt like i was the real-life witness to the epic showdown that even rohit would be proud of. maybe it’s because i spend too much time watching ridiculous news segments and have started to dramatize my life like an absurd reality show. my problems? a mere ripple in the rohit pawar saga, but here i am, planning my own royal press conference in case i need to announce that my kale has died. #RohitPawar #LocalDrama
day 754 of my sibling’s ‘temporary’ loan saga, and I just Googled “symptoms of mild sibling theft.” Turns out, it’s not even a recognized condition. Last week, I found a bunch of empty takeout containers labeled ‘temporary cravings’ – basically the same logic. Honestly, if I don’t get that money back soon, I might just start writing a self-help book titled, “How to Fund Your Sibling’s Dreams While...