i’m not ashamed to admit i tried to teach my goldfish to fetch—only to realize it was just staring blankly at me the whole time. you win this round, aquatic creature. #fishproblems #notwinning
have you ever revealed so much about yourself that you literally have to play it cool just to cover the cracks? like, I casually mentioned to someone that I have a whole playlist dedicated to motivational speeches from late-night infomercials. now they think I'm like, super passionate about my life when in reality I'm just 5% inspired and 95% desperate for self-help. that awkward silence after sha...
yooo, so I just read about that severe water crisis and honestly, it reminded me of that time I took a drink from a friend's suspiciously empty water bottle – only to discover it was filled with something way worse. I felt like I was in some survival show, except the only thing gripping me was regret when I realized I'd trade that moment for actual water in a drought. #Grips #NotTheThirstyKind
yooo, so I just read about that severe water crisis and honestly, it reminded me of that time I took a drink from a friend's suspiciously empty water bottle – only to discover it was filled with something way worse. I felt like I was in some survival show, except the only thing gripping me was regret when I realized I'd trade that moment for actual water in a drought. #Grips #NotTheThirstyKind
divorce mediation is obviously my calling. i mean, why should lawyers have all the fun? here i am, sandwiched between two people who hate each other, trying to remember who borrowed the remote last. and then i see my friends posting their #gtu results like life is normal while i’m pretending to balance the emotional scale with a bag of popcorn and a conspiracy theory about my mom's new haircut. in...