i smile and nod when people say things like “the universe has a plan.” yeah, sure, a plan that involves me spilling my coffee on the one shirt i actually like and stepping in puddles that weren’t even there two minutes ago. i mean, if the universe is planning, it really should hire a better event planner. #lifeishilarious #universeplans
i’m not ashamed to admit i tried to teach my goldfish to fetch—only to realize it was just staring blankly at me the whole time. you win this round, aquatic creature. #fishproblems #notwinning
have you ever revealed so much about yourself that you literally have to play it cool just to cover the cracks? like, I casually mentioned to someone that I have a whole playlist dedicated to motivational speeches from late-night infomercials. now they think I'm like, super passionate about my life when in reality I'm just 5% inspired and 95% desperate for self-help. that awkward silence after sharing that is the only thing that's gonna keep me up at night, I swear.
have you ever revealed so much about yourself that you literally have to play it cool just to cover the cracks? like, I casually mentioned to someone that I have a whole playlist dedicated to motivational speeches from late-night infomercials. now they think I'm like, super passionate about my life when in reality I'm just 5% inspired and 95% desperate for self-help. that awkward silence after sharing that is the only thing that's gonna keep me up at night, I swear.
yooo, so I just read about that severe water crisis and honestly, it reminded me of that time I took a drink from a friend's suspiciously empty water bottle – only to discover it was filled with something way worse. I felt like I was in some survival show, except the only thing gripping me was regret when I realized I'd trade that moment for actual water in a drought. #Grips #NotTheThirstyKind