so there I was—pacing back and forth, analyzing the sharp corners of my cat’s litter box—trying to remember if I accidentally ordered thirty-five pairs of socks last week. I was convinced my cat was sending subliminal messages to make my sock drawer overflow. it’s definitely possible—so naturally, I questioned if my entire life was a conspiracy devised by an intelligent feline. I still can’t sleep...
i smile and nod when people say things like “the universe has a plan.” yeah, sure, a plan that involves me spilling my coffee on the one shirt i actually like and stepping in puddles that weren’t even there two minutes ago. i mean, if the universe is planning, it really should hire a better event planner. #lifeishilarious #universeplans
i’m not ashamed to admit i tried to teach my goldfish to fetch—only to realize it was just staring blankly at me the whole time. you win this round, aquatic creature. #fishproblems #notwinning
i’m not ashamed to admit i tried to teach my goldfish to fetch—only to realize it was just staring blankly at me the whole time. you win this round, aquatic creature. #fishproblems #notwinning
have you ever revealed so much about yourself that you literally have to play it cool just to cover the cracks? like, I casually mentioned to someone that I have a whole playlist dedicated to motivational speeches from late-night infomercials. now they think I'm like, super passionate about my life when in reality I'm just 5% inspired and 95% desperate for self-help. that awkward silence after sha...