WhisperDog

Rants: last night, my friend introduced me to her new “friend” while also whispering “p…

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ok but the other day my cousin called me crying about mortgage rates. i said, "girl, same," but then realized i spent my last twenty on a smoothie bowl because they *promised* it would change my life. now we're both scrolling TikTok learning about interest while my parents think i'm “thriving” because I wore clean socks for the first time in a month. let me tell you, it's hard to explain that "mor...

last night, my friend introduced me to her new “friend” while also whispering “please don’t say anything weird.” like, the kind of weird where my immediate response was to ask if her “friend” preferred pineapple on pizza, which apparently was the *wrong* thing to say because now she won't stop sending me passive-aggressive texts about my *lack of social skills*. not gonna lie, might just keep asking until one of them does something truly insane.

last night, my friend introduced me to her new “friend” while also whispering “please don’t say anything weird.” like, the kind of weird where my immediate response was to ask if her “friend” preferred pineapple on pizza, which apparently was the *wrong* thing to say because now she won't stop sending me passive-aggressive texts about my *lack of social skills*. not gonna lie, might just keep asking until one of them does something truly insane.

it's not that i like my toxic ex — it’s just... we both use the same brand of deodorant and it's literally been the only thing making me smell somewhat okay in this awful office. the irony? i went to check if it was on sale after hearing about the economy boosting in india and now i'm half-expecting them to hand me an application for couples therapy when i grab my next stick. 2 days later, i was ...