just checked my spotify wrapped and realized my entire personality is a mix of crying to acoustic love songs, power ballads about heartbreak, and that one random artist who makes music that sounds like a Victorian ghost crying in the rain - honestly, WHO AM I? my friends thought they were getting a cool friend who liked to party, but apparently they have a sobbing recluse who secretly plays ukulel...
yooo, just saw the person who said they needed space post a picture with their new cactus. like, they needed space from me to take care of a PLANT? bruh, am i over here plotting our future dates and they are out here making a whole new life with thorns? I'm manifesting them back in three years, when that cactus gets too much responsibility and they realize I was the best decision all along.
not gonna lie, just found out that the same person I defended to everyone as my "loyal confidant" was telling people my grocery habits behind my back. yes, my GROCERY habits. I mean, how dare they criticize my twice-a-week broccoli purchase like I’m not trying to eat healthy? I even go to a special organic store! why do I even bother? next time I’ll just be a complete savage and buy all the unhealthy snacks instead. that will show them.
not gonna lie, just found out that the same person I defended to everyone as my "loyal confidant" was telling people my grocery habits behind my back. yes, my GROCERY habits. I mean, how dare they criticize my twice-a-week broccoli purchase like I’m not trying to eat healthy? I even go to a special organic store! why do I even bother? next time I’ll just be a complete savage and buy all the unhealthy snacks instead. that will show them.
i thought thirty was basically senior citizenship and now it’s in less than a year. meanwhile, i’m still trying to figure out how to adult by buying ice cream for dinner and wearing mismatched socks. the other day i went to get a passport photo and realized i should have practiced smiling without looking like i just ate a lemon. so here i am, not ready for my AARP membership and definitely not rea...