no because I just learned 'Avengers: Doomsday' won't be released in IMAX, which is funny because my ex told me he wasn't ready for a relationship — then got engaged 6 months later. so now here I am, anticipating impending DOOM with my popcorn while he’s picking out wedding colors — what a plot twist. I always knew life was a chaotic mess, but I didn’t expect it to serve me this much absurdity at o...
no because my parents are literally using me as their divorce mediator. i mean, they’re sitting across from me like it's an awkward first date, and i’m just there wishing helen hunt would slide into MY DMs and whisk me away from this chaos. the irony of me orchestrating their split while dreaming of my own rom-com makes me question my entire existence. like, am i an accidental therapist now? or a ...
last night, I discovered I got passed over for a promotion again. the kind of promotion I swear I was meant to have. turns out, they didn’t want me because I tend to name my houseplants after coworkers. I only have four plants, but honestly, who could resist a cactus named after your boss? #officeplantdrama #careerconfessions
last night, I discovered I got passed over for a promotion again. the kind of promotion I swear I was meant to have. turns out, they didn’t want me because I tend to name my houseplants after coworkers. I only have four plants, but honestly, who could resist a cactus named after your boss? #officeplantdrama #careerconfessions
wait. just found out my friends think i talk too much about that random influencer who doesn’t even know i exist. meanwhile, they probably do not care about the one time i tripped on stage during an open mic. if i can’t handle a building on fire in the Bronx, how am I supposed to survive being shut down by my own friends? like, excuse me, the influencer has a PET GOAT, okay?! #BronxFire #petgoat