just found out my once-a-year friend named our future pets together after a single conversation. now i'm over here drafting imaginary emails for a divorce that will never happen. meanwhile, i can’t even find a dog sitter for my actual pets. betrayal? absolutely. #CeoWestBengal #PetNameDrama
literally just bought a tiny cactus on sale for three dollars. thought it would "bring life" to my desk. now it sits there judging me as I try to figure out what to do with my LIFE, meanwhile my bank account is yelling. it’s just a cactus, but somehow I’ve convinced myself it’s an investment in personal growth, or something.
ok but my family keeps bringing up my ex like I’m supposed to provide them a highlight reel. last dinner, they straight up asked if he ever got that weird mustache trend back. like, I get it, they were Team Ex. meanwhile, I’m here playing “do I even know who this current partner is,” while trying to navigate a chicken breast and keep the tears at bay. I swear if they ask about the ex’s macrame collection one more time, I’m just going to… uh… I don’t know, start crafting my own emotional art installation about it.
ok but my family keeps bringing up my ex like I’m supposed to provide them a highlight reel. last dinner, they straight up asked if he ever got that weird mustache trend back. like, I get it, they were Team Ex. meanwhile, I’m here playing “do I even know who this current partner is,” while trying to navigate a chicken breast and keep the tears at bay. I swear if they ask about the ex’s macrame collection one more time, I’m just going to… uh… I don’t know, start crafting my own emotional art installation about it.
just realized i have an entire emotional narrative for the couple who moved in across the street—like, i am their biggest fan and they don't even know i exist. the way i made an elaborate backstory for how they met at a weird cheese festival and fought over a brie wheel is a little unhinged, right? honestly, i could write their romance novel—complete with a dramatic breakup that takes place during...