everyone is obsessing over stephon castle. meanwhile, i'm sitting here convinced that if i just manifest it hard enough, a random scout is going to burst into my office and offer me a pro contract. who cares about my Excel skills? i can definitely take a charge or two—now if only they noticed me dodging my boss every time we pass each other. watch out, world—I am practically an NBA star waiting to...
yooo, so my family found my secret TikTok account where I literally only review bizarre scented candles—like, who knew pickled asparagus was a thing? so I’m sitting there, and my mom's like, “are these REAL scents or just a joke?” and I’m like, “um, honestly, it’s literally both.” then my dad chimes in with, “can you not go outside smelling like wet dog and pumpkin pie?” bruh, that’s literally the...
it's not that i can't sleep... it's just that i checked my bank account and saw my balance drop faster than my will to keep scrolling through Instagram. suddenly, with Instagram down, there's no distraction from the fact that my weekend purchases look like the last time i thought about my future. honestly, i thought buying a novelty inflatable flamingo was a great investment. who knew those things could drown me in regret? #InstagramDown #LifeChoices
it's not that i can't sleep... it's just that i checked my bank account and saw my balance drop faster than my will to keep scrolling through Instagram. suddenly, with Instagram down, there's no distraction from the fact that my weekend purchases look like the last time i thought about my future. honestly, i thought buying a novelty inflatable flamingo was a great investment. who knew those things could drown me in regret? #InstagramDown #LifeChoices
bruh, so I spent two years planning my dream garden. You know, flowers, herbs, all that zen energy. lmao, turns out, it looks exactly like my mom’s backyard from 1998. I just realized the only thing I’ve successfully grown is my own SHOCK that my life is a tribute album to her horticultural choices. Imagine my betrayal—cucumbers and nostalgia!