yooo, so my family found my secret TikTok account where I literally only review bizarre scented candles—like, who knew pickled asparagus was a thing? so I’m sitting there, and my mom's like, “are these REAL scents or just a joke?” and I’m like, “um, honestly, it’s literally both.” then my dad chimes in with, “can you not go outside smelling like wet dog and pumpkin pie?” bruh, that’s literally the...
it's not that i can't sleep... it's just that i checked my bank account and saw my balance drop faster than my will to keep scrolling through Instagram. suddenly, with Instagram down, there's no distraction from the fact that my weekend purchases look like the last time i thought about my future. honestly, i thought buying a novelty inflatable flamingo was a great investment. who knew those things...
bruh, so I spent two years planning my dream garden. You know, flowers, herbs, all that zen energy. lmao, turns out, it looks exactly like my mom’s backyard from 1998. I just realized the only thing I’ve successfully grown is my own SHOCK that my life is a tribute album to her horticultural choices. Imagine my betrayal—cucumbers and nostalgia!
bruh, so I spent two years planning my dream garden. You know, flowers, herbs, all that zen energy. lmao, turns out, it looks exactly like my mom’s backyard from 1998. I just realized the only thing I’ve successfully grown is my own SHOCK that my life is a tribute album to her horticultural choices. Imagine my betrayal—cucumbers and nostalgia!
yooo, so I was just scrolling through my camera roll and it started off normal, like pictures of my cat wearing a tiny wizard hat. then it got a bit weird when I found a video of me trying to juggle lemons in the backyard. like, okay, no big deal, right? but then I hit that one photo… you know, the one of me at three a.m., covered in spaghetti, grinning like a maniac with a fork in one hand and a ...