yooo, literally just got voluntold to work this weekend while my boss casually compares my dedication to this Stephon Castle hype. i mean, how am i supposed to break through the ranks when i’m stuck here slinging spreadsheets? my friends are texting me about the NBA draft like it matters while i’m counting the minutes until i can go home and sulk. can i get an emergency contract signed to escape t...
everyone is obsessing over stephon castle. meanwhile, i'm sitting here convinced that if i just manifest it hard enough, a random scout is going to burst into my office and offer me a pro contract. who cares about my Excel skills? i can definitely take a charge or two—now if only they noticed me dodging my boss every time we pass each other. watch out, world—I am practically an NBA star waiting to...
yooo, so my family found my secret TikTok account where I literally only review bizarre scented candles—like, who knew pickled asparagus was a thing? so I’m sitting there, and my mom's like, “are these REAL scents or just a joke?” and I’m like, “um, honestly, it’s literally both.” then my dad chimes in with, “can you not go outside smelling like wet dog and pumpkin pie?” bruh, that’s literally the brand—now I'm just left explaining why I am literally the world’s authority on rancid fragrances!
yooo, so my family found my secret TikTok account where I literally only review bizarre scented candles—like, who knew pickled asparagus was a thing? so I’m sitting there, and my mom's like, “are these REAL scents or just a joke?” and I’m like, “um, honestly, it’s literally both.” then my dad chimes in with, “can you not go outside smelling like wet dog and pumpkin pie?” bruh, that’s literally the brand—now I'm just left explaining why I am literally the world’s authority on rancid fragrances!
it's not that i can't sleep... it's just that i checked my bank account and saw my balance drop faster than my will to keep scrolling through Instagram. suddenly, with Instagram down, there's no distraction from the fact that my weekend purchases look like the last time i thought about my future. honestly, i thought buying a novelty inflatable flamingo was a great investment. who knew those things...