literally, i just nod and smile at the guy on the bus who talks about his vintage vinyl collection, but like, does he not see the way i flinch every time he mentions his collection of obscure records from the seventies? honestly, i just think, who even listens to kazoo remixes of classic rock? like, i pretend to appreciate it while inside, i’m questioning every life choice that led me to this mome...
do you ever just stare at your kale and quinoa salad and think, like, “who am I trying to impress?” I spent thirty minutes on this aesthetic lunch, but the only applause I get is from the microwave I’m now just using as a counter decoration. it’s literally wild how I can turn chopping vegetables into an existential crisis. am I serving my body or pretending to be a Pinterest board?
i just checked the social media of a guy i once debated the merits of pineapple on pizza with in a high school cafeteria – why? maybe to confirm he hasn’t become a gourmet chef or something, but it turns out he’s just posting pictures of his cat, dressed as a hot dog – and somehow, my life feels like it’s lost to him entirely, and my hypothetical plan to steal his cat and adopt it under the alias 'Pineapple is still wrong' might just be my most solid life choice yet.
i just checked the social media of a guy i once debated the merits of pineapple on pizza with in a high school cafeteria – why? maybe to confirm he hasn’t become a gourmet chef or something, but it turns out he’s just posting pictures of his cat, dressed as a hot dog – and somehow, my life feels like it’s lost to him entirely, and my hypothetical plan to steal his cat and adopt it under the alias 'Pineapple is still wrong' might just be my most solid life choice yet.
i found out my job was posted online through some passive-aggressive candy wrapper commercial about arsenic, and suddenly i can't decide what's worse: arsenic in candy or the realization my boss cares more about finding my replacement than my lunch order. so now i'm home, arguing with my goldfish about whether i should take that job, and it keeps looking at me like "why even bother?" clearly he's ...