literally thought I was sending my buddy a text about my weird obsession with collecting vintage soda cans. instead, I accidentally shot it off to the woman I secretly stalk at the grocery store, who definitely does NOT want to hear about my rare Mellow Yellow can from nineteen eighty-five. now I'm just waiting for her to start giving me the side-eye as I pretend to browse for apples while she’s a...
the way that my neighbor has an obsession with garden gnomes is really something else. like, who collects thirty of those things? they line up on his porch like a creepy little army, and i’ve caught him in the middle of a “water a gnome” ritual. so no, because if i told him that one of those gnomes is actually my great-aunt’s severed ceramic hand from that pottery class, not only would he destroy ...
wait, i just saw that kid i used to share juice boxes with, and now they act like we never had matching Christmas sweaters in second grade—like, do you not remember the epic high-speed scooter race down the driveway? so now, i am in a mental debate over whether to say hi or just launch into the fact that i still have a picture of us making silly faces, and maybe that’ll jog their memory—like, can we just stop pretending we don’t have this shared trauma? #childhoodmemories #awkwardreunion
wait, i just saw that kid i used to share juice boxes with, and now they act like we never had matching Christmas sweaters in second grade—like, do you not remember the epic high-speed scooter race down the driveway? so now, i am in a mental debate over whether to say hi or just launch into the fact that i still have a picture of us making silly faces, and maybe that’ll jog their memory—like, can we just stop pretending we don’t have this shared trauma? #childhoodmemories #awkwardreunion
the way that NASA is sending people back to the moon literally makes me think about my high school ex who swore he’d change but honestly never did. i forgave him publicly because i wanted to be the bigger person, but deep down, i knew the only thing launching was my patience. it feels like they're going to the moon, while i’m still stuck on earth dealing with someone who can’t even go back to the ...