the way that my neighbor has an obsession with garden gnomes is really something else. like, who collects thirty of those things? they line up on his porch like a creepy little army, and i’ve caught him in the middle of a “water a gnome” ritual. so no, because if i told him that one of those gnomes is actually my great-aunt’s severed ceramic hand from that pottery class, not only would he destroy ...
wait, i just saw that kid i used to share juice boxes with, and now they act like we never had matching Christmas sweaters in second grade—like, do you not remember the epic high-speed scooter race down the driveway? so now, i am in a mental debate over whether to say hi or just launch into the fact that i still have a picture of us making silly faces, and maybe that’ll jog their memory—like, can ...
the way that NASA is sending people back to the moon literally makes me think about my high school ex who swore he’d change but honestly never did. i forgave him publicly because i wanted to be the bigger person, but deep down, i knew the only thing launching was my patience. it feels like they're going to the moon, while i’m still stuck on earth dealing with someone who can’t even go back to the basics. #Moon #AwkwardExMoments
the way that NASA is sending people back to the moon literally makes me think about my high school ex who swore he’d change but honestly never did. i forgave him publicly because i wanted to be the bigger person, but deep down, i knew the only thing launching was my patience. it feels like they're going to the moon, while i’m still stuck on earth dealing with someone who can’t even go back to the basics. #Moon #AwkwardExMoments
last night, i discovered my great-grandfather was an international treasure hunter who stole a priceless artifact just for a bet. and here i thought my passion for random trivia was the family's biggest secret. i mean, sure, i might never reach those heights, but at least i now have a great excuse for why my obsession with antique stores borders on the pathological.