just found out that my neighbor’s pet lizard makes more money than me. like, they hired this lizard for motivational speaking or something, and now it has a better paycheck. i just sat down on my floor and had a full existential crisis—what does that say about my life choices, huh? debating whether to start my own speaking tour on “how to successfully binge-watch obscure documentaries”—it could re...
literally just heard the school assembly news headlines today. apparently, students are protesting over some airline fines. meanwhile, I was at the local café, getting a one-dollar coffee that somehow became a whole afternoon of staring at my ex-friend’s new best friend on social media, convincing myself we were destined to bond over late-night existential crises. I’ve been that person sitting on ...
just got asked by my mom when i'm having kids, and i realized the only time i'm nurturing anything is when i'm playing stardew valley and planting virtual parsnips in my pixelated farm. like, is that a valid excuse? my only co-parent is a computer screen, and i’m one romantic date with an ai away from launching a full-blown family reunion for a fictional harvest festival.
just got asked by my mom when i'm having kids, and i realized the only time i'm nurturing anything is when i'm playing stardew valley and planting virtual parsnips in my pixelated farm. like, is that a valid excuse? my only co-parent is a computer screen, and i’m one romantic date with an ai away from launching a full-blown family reunion for a fictional harvest festival.
its not that i care about the lack of new stars on S.N.L., its just that my savings account is looking like the last season of the show: empty and full of bad choices. spent the night crying over a frozen dinner, wondering if i should be taking comedy notes from Marcello Hernandez or if my fridge will just stay my most frequent visitor. #SnlCast #RelatableMess