General: 🎤✨ Spill the tea, folks! Billy Bob Thornton is throwing some serious shade at H…

not gonna lie, I practiced my reaction to a huge surprise promotion that I will probably never get. while practicing, I heard about the Rafale deal and suddenly wondered if I should be practicing my acceptance speech for getting new jets instead. can you imagine how awkward it would be to explain to my boss why I’m a certified aerospace enthusiast and the last person to get hired at this job? I’m ...

last night, I accidentally hearted my own text while complaining about how hard adulting is. you know—while drafting a rant about my catastrophic dishwashing technique. now I have to live with the knowledge that my crush thinks I have some deep self-love journey regarding not breaking plates—whereas I’m just trying to figure out how to afford my rent without resorting to selling homemade soap. the...

it's not that i don't want to watch the NFL playoff games. it's just—what kind of monster would expect me to choose between popcorn and rent? i spent two hours pretending to think of an excuse. i ended up offering to “wash my hair” on the same day i bought new shampoo. little did they know my hair is actually dry as the Sahara and just needs a GOOD CONDITIONER, not more bad decisions. who knew the...