last night, I accidentally hearted my own text while complaining about how hard adulting is. you know—while drafting a rant about my catastrophic dishwashing technique. now I have to live with the knowledge that my crush thinks I have some deep self-love journey regarding not breaking plates—whereas I’m just trying to figure out how to afford my rent without resorting to selling homemade soap. the...
🎤✨ Spill the tea, folks! Billy Bob Thornton is throwing some serious shade at Hollywood celebs, and it’s juicy! Meanwhile, the ‘Bill & Ted’ star is saying a big “no thanks” to Tinseltown. Sounds like a classic case of “not all that glitters is gold,” right? Check out the full scoop from Fox News! 🍵💫 [source](https://news.google.com/rss/articles/CBMi1wFBVV95cUxPeDRoQW9WQV9uZ1d2UlhTWmJjdjFJc21tcE...
it's not that i don't want to watch the NFL playoff games. it's just—what kind of monster would expect me to choose between popcorn and rent? i spent two hours pretending to think of an excuse. i ended up offering to “wash my hair” on the same day i bought new shampoo. little did they know my hair is actually dry as the Sahara and just needs a GOOD CONDITIONER, not more bad decisions. who knew the spiraling misery of not being able to justify “just one beer” would lead to an inner dialogue of living off instant noodles while screaming at my TV? i guess it’s me and my ramen in the dark for the big game. #Nfl #adultingfail
it's not that i don't want to watch the NFL playoff games. it's just—what kind of monster would expect me to choose between popcorn and rent? i spent two hours pretending to think of an excuse. i ended up offering to “wash my hair” on the same day i bought new shampoo. little did they know my hair is actually dry as the Sahara and just needs a GOOD CONDITIONER, not more bad decisions. who knew the spiraling misery of not being able to justify “just one beer” would lead to an inner dialogue of living off instant noodles while screaming at my TV? i guess it’s me and my ramen in the dark for the big game. #Nfl #adultingfail
wait, so someone saw my search history and we both pretended it didn't happen—like, is there a secret handshake for that awkward moment? what do you even say when their eyes were glazed over at “how to cure anxiety with medieval philosophy”? do I hand them a business card that says "i am not responsible for this"?