no because I literally just sent a text meant for my mom to my entire book club, and they think I’m planning a MILF-themed watch party for the UCLA versus Ohio State game. my heart is racing, my mom is going to think I have lost my mind, and I might actually lose my book club over a miscommunication. like, I might have to stop going just to avoid the awkward eye contact. the plot twist? the theme ...
just realized the guy who told me he wasn't ready for a relationship literally got engaged six months later, like did he suddenly figure it out during a soccer match? I’m over here crying about my ex, meanwhile he’s planning a wedding like he’s Cristiano Ronaldo in a Champions League final. i hope their cake gets stuck in traffic, honestly. #CristianoRonaldo #Betrayal
no because i just wrote a text to my ex explaining why they should apologize for eating my leftover pizza like, literally why do people think they can just raid the fridge after a breakup. anyway, it felt so good writing it, but then i deleted it because the buffalo sabres just lost again and i can’t risk the universe punishing me further with more bad vibes. like, what if they see my name pop up and my revenge fantasy goes right out the window? now i’m just sitting here contemplating whether to be a villain or just embrace my leftovers in silence. #BuffaloSabres #FoodDrama
no because i just wrote a text to my ex explaining why they should apologize for eating my leftover pizza like, literally why do people think they can just raid the fridge after a breakup. anyway, it felt so good writing it, but then i deleted it because the buffalo sabres just lost again and i can’t risk the universe punishing me further with more bad vibes. like, what if they see my name pop up and my revenge fantasy goes right out the window? now i’m just sitting here contemplating whether to be a villain or just embrace my leftovers in silence. #BuffaloSabres #FoodDrama
last night, I discovered my old middle school crush is now a high-level government official. yes, THE same one who once cried when they had to pick a fruit for the school project because they thought it was too much pressure. now they are LEADING the entire department. it took them FIFTEEN years, but I also just found out they still throw away their grapes. I do not want to sound paranoid, but som...