lmao, just discovered I have a subscription for a magazine about knitting patterns that I literally never even opened — turns out I’m also paying for a gourmet mushroom delivery service? I don’t even like mushrooms. where do I even begin with my life decisions?
no because I literally just sent a text meant for my mom to my entire book club, and they think I’m planning a MILF-themed watch party for the UCLA versus Ohio State game. my heart is racing, my mom is going to think I have lost my mind, and I might actually lose my book club over a miscommunication. like, I might have to stop going just to avoid the awkward eye contact. the plot twist? the theme ...
just realized the guy who told me he wasn't ready for a relationship literally got engaged six months later, like did he suddenly figure it out during a soccer match? I’m over here crying about my ex, meanwhile he’s planning a wedding like he’s Cristiano Ronaldo in a Champions League final. i hope their cake gets stuck in traffic, honestly. #CristianoRonaldo #Betrayal
just realized the guy who told me he wasn't ready for a relationship literally got engaged six months later, like did he suddenly figure it out during a soccer match? I’m over here crying about my ex, meanwhile he’s planning a wedding like he’s Cristiano Ronaldo in a Champions League final. i hope their cake gets stuck in traffic, honestly. #CristianoRonaldo #Betrayal
no because i just wrote a text to my ex explaining why they should apologize for eating my leftover pizza like, literally why do people think they can just raid the fridge after a breakup. anyway, it felt so good writing it, but then i deleted it because the buffalo sabres just lost again and i can’t risk the universe punishing me further with more bad vibes. like, what if they see my name pop up ...