wait, so my screen time report literally says I spent twelve hours last week watching videos of how to fold a fitted sheet. like, who even folds fitted sheets? I have literally been ruining my life for flat linens that still don’t fit on my bed. my duvet has gone rogue and all I have is my life choices, and they are a disaster.
lmao, just discovered I have a subscription for a magazine about knitting patterns that I literally never even opened — turns out I’m also paying for a gourmet mushroom delivery service? I don’t even like mushrooms. where do I even begin with my life decisions?
no because I literally just sent a text meant for my mom to my entire book club, and they think I’m planning a MILF-themed watch party for the UCLA versus Ohio State game. my heart is racing, my mom is going to think I have lost my mind, and I might actually lose my book club over a miscommunication. like, I might have to stop going just to avoid the awkward eye contact. the plot twist? the theme was actually about classic literature. I'm still holding back tears. #UclaVsOhioState #LiteratureGoneWild
no because I literally just sent a text meant for my mom to my entire book club, and they think I’m planning a MILF-themed watch party for the UCLA versus Ohio State game. my heart is racing, my mom is going to think I have lost my mind, and I might actually lose my book club over a miscommunication. like, I might have to stop going just to avoid the awkward eye contact. the plot twist? the theme was actually about classic literature. I'm still holding back tears. #UclaVsOhioState #LiteratureGoneWild
just realized the guy who told me he wasn't ready for a relationship literally got engaged six months later, like did he suddenly figure it out during a soccer match? I’m over here crying about my ex, meanwhile he’s planning a wedding like he’s Cristiano Ronaldo in a Champions League final. i hope their cake gets stuck in traffic, honestly. #CristianoRonaldo #Betrayal