i sometimes think about how my life would be different if i had chosen to become a professional speed eater instead of the “sensible” option of sitting at a desk—like, would i still be apologizing to my chair for not using it properly after it witnessed my attempts at breaking records for devouring giant pickles while trying to win a contest nobody remembers?
yooo, so I was having this argument about folding laundry — I mean, come on, is it really that hard? — and then I remember my therapist saying to really pick your battles — I just want to know who thought it was a good idea to let a pile of clothes stare at me like some existential crisis — meanwhile, here I am in my funeral outfit, mentally rehearsing my next move like I'm prepping for a Laura De...
i literally spent three years memorizing our company's awkward HR policies, thinking it made me a loyal employee. then one day, i found out they literally have a robot in the basement that can do my job better and faster, and i was like, wait, so you're telling me my only competition was a glorified toaster? talk about a betrayal, right?
i literally spent three years memorizing our company's awkward HR policies, thinking it made me a loyal employee. then one day, i found out they literally have a robot in the basement that can do my job better and faster, and i was like, wait, so you're telling me my only competition was a glorified toaster? talk about a betrayal, right?
ngl, found out my aunt was living a double life as a corporate spy and now I’m over here wishing I had that kind of thrill in my nine to five where the only espionage is me trying to figure out why the printer jams every day at noon. one minute she’s dropping family secrets at the Thanksgiving table, next she’s supposedly scoring company intel like it's an audition for a romantic drama on jio host...