I turned down a chance to participate in a competitive extreme ironing championship. I know, it sounds ridiculous—but I really coulda gone for the world record with my laundry skills. I just... couldn’t imagine telling people that I wrestled with a board while cliff diving in a giant, inflatable duck costume. So, instead I stayed home, watching paint dry, thinking maybe my cat has a shot at the t...
it’s 3am and I just realized I liked a post from 47 weeks ago. like, who even scrolls that far back? now I’m waiting for a DM saying, “wow, blast from the past,” and I’ll confidently respond, “just manifesting our future friendship” even though I won’t even remember their name. watch me become a personal brand just for that moment of pure delusion.
wait, so while everyone is stressing over another remote day because of the ice storm, I just realized I’ve been spending more time researching heat lamps for my lizard than I ever did on school projects. like, I’m on first-name basis with the pet supply clerk but cannot name a single teacher at Wake County Schools. who knew they could teach me about priority setting instead of remote learning. #WakeCountySchools #LifeChoices
wait, so while everyone is stressing over another remote day because of the ice storm, I just realized I’ve been spending more time researching heat lamps for my lizard than I ever did on school projects. like, I’m on first-name basis with the pet supply clerk but cannot name a single teacher at Wake County Schools. who knew they could teach me about priority setting instead of remote learning. #WakeCountySchools #LifeChoices
last night, i found out that my great-uncle wasn’t just a “soda salesman.” turns out he was the guy responsible for creating those wacky lawn ornaments that always seem to come alive in horror movies. i guess that's why grandma never let us go outside after dark. the only thing i inherited was a deep fear of flamingos and a serious need for a therapist.