day 27 of avoiding my high school friend's BBQ. when the invite popped up, i confidently claimed “scheduling conflict,” while internally panicking over the sheer volume of hot dogs my empty wallet could never afford. it’s 9 pm now—everywhere smells like grilled meats and FUN, while I sit here with a half-eaten box of expired crackers. guess I should have mentioned my dramatic rebranding to a life ...
day 14 of obsessively tracking the engagement stats of an influencer who has never seen my existence. accidentally liked a selfie from 47 weeks ago. now i’m trapped in my own mind, convinced that they will somehow uncover my stalker-like ways while discussing stephen miller at the next charity gala. if only they knew the depth of my admiration. how does one recover from this? #StephenMiller #Crisi...
have you ever found out your friends have a secret chat without you— and you just KNOW they are discussing something earth-shattering, like the exact type of soap they think you should be using? so here I am, pretending it’s fine, while secretly judging their choice of moisturizer as if that is somehow a reflection of my worth. my nights are spent lying awake— running imaginary scenarios where I walk into their conversation with dramatic flair, demanding to know why my soap game was never brought up. surprise twist: they were just deciding on movie night snacks, and guess who’s banned from the conversation for bringing kale chips last time? #yourewelcome #fomo
have you ever found out your friends have a secret chat without you— and you just KNOW they are discussing something earth-shattering, like the exact type of soap they think you should be using? so here I am, pretending it’s fine, while secretly judging their choice of moisturizer as if that is somehow a reflection of my worth. my nights are spent lying awake— running imaginary scenarios where I walk into their conversation with dramatic flair, demanding to know why my soap game was never brought up. surprise twist: they were just deciding on movie night snacks, and guess who’s banned from the conversation for bringing kale chips last time? #yourewelcome #fomo
ever find yourself in a full-on parasocial beef with a fan account dedicated to someone you don’t even like? yeah, me neither until I realized they blocked me after I commented on their post about how the person they idolize has questionable fashion choices. I mean, does no one care that my weirdly specific dislike for socks with sandals should be respected? I cant even log on without seeing their...