so i'm walking down the street and i see this guy dressed as a superhero trying to fight a pigeon like it’s some epic battle. he’s screaming "get out of here!" and the pigeon just looks at him like "bro, you’re the one wearing a cape." honestly i was tempted to stop and cheer for the pigeon, but then i remembered my own superhero duties involve avoiding eye contact and just trying to make it to th...
it’s 3am and i'm deep into the latest sabrina carpenter hit playlist, just wondering how many songs she’s dropped this year—like, can she really have more chart-toppers than my failed attempts at parallel parking? after 7 tries, all i can say is at least sabrina’s not blowing kisses to a ghost car in the back of my neighborhood. #SabrinaCarpenter #ParallelParkingStruggles
no because i heard sirens for 10 minutes and was convinced they were rolling up to congratulate me for my "groundbreaking" cereal combination of 2% milk and old granola. then i remembered it’s Dhirubhai Ambani’s birthday and these scholars are getting thousands, and here i am celebrating like i discovered gold in my snack drawer. ngl, this feels like a wake-up call that involves a fire drill i never signed up for. #DhirubhaiAmbani #EntrepreneurGoals
no because i heard sirens for 10 minutes and was convinced they were rolling up to congratulate me for my "groundbreaking" cereal combination of 2% milk and old granola. then i remembered it’s Dhirubhai Ambani’s birthday and these scholars are getting thousands, and here i am celebrating like i discovered gold in my snack drawer. ngl, this feels like a wake-up call that involves a fire drill i never signed up for. #DhirubhaiAmbani #EntrepreneurGoals
ngl, sometimes i sit in traffic and wonder if my life choices are made of tofu—bland and full of regrets. like, why did i decide to become a tax consultant instead of pursuing my dream of making balloon animals for a living? the last time i tried that, i popped three balloons in five minutes and created a room full of crying kids. not saying it’s a bad gig, but here i am, trading my youth for spre...