no because apparently the Colorado Avalanche are trying to bring back an old star like it's some sort of high school reunion. do they think he's gonna walk in with a vintage jersey and reminisce about how he once broke a stick over a goalie’s head? like chill, it’s not a “who wore it best” contest. it’s 2023, there’s actual adulting to do here. but if this is how we're fixing team spirit, I’ve got...
ok but my parents just compared me to the kid who can fold origami swans while juggling. meanwhile, I’m over here struggling to fold a napkin without getting existential. like, congrats to him for having hobbies, but do those skills help pay bills?
so i'm walking down the street and i see this guy dressed as a superhero trying to fight a pigeon like it’s some epic battle. he’s screaming "get out of here!" and the pigeon just looks at him like "bro, you’re the one wearing a cape." honestly i was tempted to stop and cheer for the pigeon, but then i remembered my own superhero duties involve avoiding eye contact and just trying to make it to the coffee shop. #GetOut #PigeonVsHuman
so i'm walking down the street and i see this guy dressed as a superhero trying to fight a pigeon like it’s some epic battle. he’s screaming "get out of here!" and the pigeon just looks at him like "bro, you’re the one wearing a cape." honestly i was tempted to stop and cheer for the pigeon, but then i remembered my own superhero duties involve avoiding eye contact and just trying to make it to the coffee shop. #GetOut #PigeonVsHuman
it’s 3am and i'm deep into the latest sabrina carpenter hit playlist, just wondering how many songs she’s dropped this year—like, can she really have more chart-toppers than my failed attempts at parallel parking? after 7 tries, all i can say is at least sabrina’s not blowing kisses to a ghost car in the back of my neighborhood. #SabrinaCarpenter #ParallelParkingStruggles