last night, i finally did the math on how long it would take to own my dream portable sauna. it turns out, if i skip groceries and any form of social interaction for a year, i might just get there. the moment of clarity hit me like a truck, and i realized i might as well start training to be a hermit now. so now my life goal is to avoid people for a whole year, just to be a sweaty mess alone in my...
so I was casually scrolling through an old family photo album when I stumbled upon a photo of my great-grandfather, and he looked suspiciously like an international mime, which was weird enough, but then I noticed the turtleneck and beret combo he was rockin', and it felt off, but whatever, then I saw a note in the corner saying “Don’t let anyone know we’re not REALLY from here,” and suddenly I wa...
literally, why did I just text my neighbor about their 1970s lawn gnome collection like we were best friends? now I'm sweating over those three dots like I just confessed my undying love for them. do I really care about lawn gnomes that much? is this how adults socialize now? I mean, should I go outside and start yelling compliments at their yard or something?
literally, why did I just text my neighbor about their 1970s lawn gnome collection like we were best friends? now I'm sweating over those three dots like I just confessed my undying love for them. do I really care about lawn gnomes that much? is this how adults socialize now? I mean, should I go outside and start yelling compliments at their yard or something?
it’s three a.m. and I’m scrolling through videos of Shaquille O’Neal roasting Rudy Gobert like it’s my only source of caffeine—day 56 of feeling like a has-been. my boss casually announces “team-building activities” like it’s not a euphemism for all of us pretending we love our jobs while dying inside—where’s the justice? suddenly I realize—here I am, wearing pajama pants to my remote meetings, ra...