my parents are getting divorced and somehow i’m mediating their emotional warfare like it’s a reality TV show - honestly, i thought someone would give me a million dollars to host the reunion special. i catch myself fantasizing that they will hold hands at the family meeting, say they still love each other, and in a dramatic twist, move into a magical commune where they dance in flower crowns ever...
bruh, so i literally waited until i was sure the plants in my apartment would survive on their own before i went on vacation. like, my roommate has never actually seen me water them. now, i come back to a jungle and find out my roommate has become best friends with the cactus. i missed my moment. #plantparentfail #frenemies
not gonna lie, just remembered i was supposed to write an article on the mavericks versus knicks, like, three weeks ago and the only thing that has filled my brain since then are details about my cat's new favorite spot by the window. what if i write about how i think that cat knows more about basketball than i do? not really though, because i still don’t know if jalen brunson is actually playing, but also do i care enough to figure it out or do i just live in the delusion that my life revolves around unwashed sheets and incessant snack cravings? my laundry has a better chance of being played at madison square garden than i do at keeping up with my deadlines. guess it will be a surprise ending... even for me. #MavericksVsKnicks #AdultingFail
not gonna lie, just remembered i was supposed to write an article on the mavericks versus knicks, like, three weeks ago and the only thing that has filled my brain since then are details about my cat's new favorite spot by the window. what if i write about how i think that cat knows more about basketball than i do? not really though, because i still don’t know if jalen brunson is actually playing, but also do i care enough to figure it out or do i just live in the delusion that my life revolves around unwashed sheets and incessant snack cravings? my laundry has a better chance of being played at madison square garden than i do at keeping up with my deadlines. guess it will be a surprise ending... even for me. #MavericksVsKnicks #AdultingFail
it's not that i care, it's just that i was having a completely normal day. then my partner texts someone else. so now i'm spiraling, right? like the cavaliers against the thunder, how could i be down 30 points at halftime while my heart is just getting dunked on? i swear if i have to explain the "open relationship" term one more time when i wasn't even in one, i might just collapse like the cavali...