last night I found out Will Levis' ex-girlfriend was in Hawaii. meanwhile, my brother just got a promotion and mom baked him a cake that was basically the Eiffel Tower of desserts. I tried to tell her about my day and she said, “that’s nice, sweetie, but did you SEE that picture?” I'm still processing what “sweetie” means when you’re clearly a second-place contestant in the family favoritism Olymp...
not gonna lie, I had this elaborate vision for a cooking channel where I become a master chef overnight. I bought all the tools, watched endless videos, even practiced my “chef’s kiss” in the mirror. my first attempt was a simple pasta dish, and I ended up burning water. I might just stick to heating up frozen meals, but hey, at least my dreams were well-seasoned. #Game #DreamsCrushed
yooo, just created an entire alternate reality where I’m the reigning champion of competitive rock stacking — even gave interviews about my “journey” with my ten stacks of perfectly balanced stones. — spoiler alert: I’m just sad that the rocks are the only things I can count on. #rockstar #selfdelusion
yooo, just created an entire alternate reality where I’m the reigning champion of competitive rock stacking — even gave interviews about my “journey” with my ten stacks of perfectly balanced stones. — spoiler alert: I’m just sad that the rocks are the only things I can count on. #rockstar #selfdelusion
just got caught eating an entire bag of expired marshmallows like it was a gourmet experience and now my parent said "I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed." I mean, they literally looked at me with this expression of utter betrayal, like I single-handedly ended a whole marshmallow dynasty or something. so now I’m standing here, sticky fingers and a heart full of regret, contemplating life choices wh...