yo, so I’ve been practicing my reaction for when I finally get a call that my art installation about cheese puffs being the embodiment of existential dread has been selected for the big exhibit — like, full-on joyful tears, gasping, the whole nine — but then I think about the fact that I’m kind of the only person who cares about this. and, um, then I wonder if I’d also spill the champagne and end ...
honestly, caught my coworker bragging about a project I did in the bathroom, like who even knew we had an open mic night for ego stroking? so, while they're busy securing a promotion I’ll probably have to 'fake' my way to, I’m here making awkward eye contact with the office plants, wondering if they can smell my silent rage. it’s literally like watching meta earnings drop while I try to negotiate ...
literally checked my roommate’s phone while they were sleeping. and, oh my god, I discovered their detailed Excel spreadsheet for “Snack Inventory.” like, not just chips but a full categorization of calories, crunch factor, and expiration dates. now I cannot unsee it—every time they offer me a cookie, all I can think is, do I want to ruin their meticulously balanced snacks? #LifeChoices #SnackAnxiety
literally checked my roommate’s phone while they were sleeping. and, oh my god, I discovered their detailed Excel spreadsheet for “Snack Inventory.” like, not just chips but a full categorization of calories, crunch factor, and expiration dates. now I cannot unsee it—every time they offer me a cookie, all I can think is, do I want to ruin their meticulously balanced snacks? #LifeChoices #SnackAnxiety
i always thought being thirty meant you had your life together, but now that it’s almost here, i feel more like kai havertz right before he gets injured—so much potential, just waiting to be sidelined by the chaos of adulting. also, how am i expected to prove i’m an adult when i can’t even keep my plants alive? #KaiHavertz #adultingstruggles