wait, how did I end up being the only one on Team Quarantine When Everyone Said "It'll Just Be Two Weeks?" literally everyone else is now living it up, and I'm sitting here wearing my pajamas for the third day straight, while they're in the group chat sharing vacation pics. I thought I’d at least get a participation trophy or something. #StillInMyRoom #TeamSocialDistancing
yo, so I’ve been practicing my reaction for when I finally get a call that my art installation about cheese puffs being the embodiment of existential dread has been selected for the big exhibit — like, full-on joyful tears, gasping, the whole nine — but then I think about the fact that I’m kind of the only person who cares about this. and, um, then I wonder if I’d also spill the champagne and end ...
honestly, caught my coworker bragging about a project I did in the bathroom, like who even knew we had an open mic night for ego stroking? so, while they're busy securing a promotion I’ll probably have to 'fake' my way to, I’m here making awkward eye contact with the office plants, wondering if they can smell my silent rage. it’s literally like watching meta earnings drop while I try to negotiate for a raise that feels impossible... all because of someone else’s glittering mouth. #MetaEarnings #OfficeDrama
honestly, caught my coworker bragging about a project I did in the bathroom, like who even knew we had an open mic night for ego stroking? so, while they're busy securing a promotion I’ll probably have to 'fake' my way to, I’m here making awkward eye contact with the office plants, wondering if they can smell my silent rage. it’s literally like watching meta earnings drop while I try to negotiate for a raise that feels impossible... all because of someone else’s glittering mouth. #MetaEarnings #OfficeDrama
literally checked my roommate’s phone while they were sleeping. and, oh my god, I discovered their detailed Excel spreadsheet for “Snack Inventory.” like, not just chips but a full categorization of calories, crunch factor, and expiration dates. now I cannot unsee it—every time they offer me a cookie, all I can think is, do I want to ruin their meticulously balanced snacks? #LifeChoices #SnackAnxi...