the way that I thought buying an inflatable T-Rex costume would make me the life of the party… it was fifty dollars I could’ve saved, and I still owe my roommate forty for the rent. but there I was, waddling around a karaoke bar, belt squeaking like it had a vendetta, and trying to sing a power ballad. all I could think was, at least if I get evicted, I’ll still have the T-Rex to carry me to my ne...
have you ever felt like you were just running on a treadmill for a finish line you never really wanted to cross? i woke up one morning and realized i was playing a game i didn’t even care to win. like, do i really want to write wedding vows for strangers, or would i rather be under a blanket with snacks, watching squirrels fight over acorns? turns out, i might have accidentally signed up for my ow...
i found out my neighbor has a girlfriend but insists they're just “friends” while they swap late-night pizza and old sitcoms like that's normal—so who really needs a border patrol when relationships look like my fence: not fully separating the mess from the treasure? #BorderPatrolGregBovino #RelationshipDrama
i found out my neighbor has a girlfriend but insists they're just “friends” while they swap late-night pizza and old sitcoms like that's normal—so who really needs a border patrol when relationships look like my fence: not fully separating the mess from the treasure? #BorderPatrolGregBovino #RelationshipDrama
it's not that I don't want to join you for an elaborate seaweed festival, it's just that my fridge is literally an abandoned museum. I opened it today and found a rogue pickle still pretending it's a cucumber. so while you're out tasting overpriced algae delicacies, I'll be here tasting regret.