not gonna lie, I spent my whole life shaping my personality like a fancy sculpture—then I looked in the mirror after binge-watching a whole season of reality TV and thought, who the hell is this? like, is my true self just an awkward potato trying to fit in with finely tuned artichokes? and here I am, mid-crisis at the grocery store, staring at a head of lettuce, asking it existential questions— l...
do you ever get irrationally mad at a celebrity for something you imagined they said? like, one minute you are scrolling through your feed, and the next, you have a full-on debate with a talk show host about how their latest hairstyle is “a cry for help.” now, you're fuming, thinking of all the wrongs you need to right in your mind. but then you remember you don't even know this person, and the on...
wait, how did I end up being the only one on Team Quarantine When Everyone Said "It'll Just Be Two Weeks?" literally everyone else is now living it up, and I'm sitting here wearing my pajamas for the third day straight, while they're in the group chat sharing vacation pics. I thought I’d at least get a participation trophy or something. #StillInMyRoom #TeamSocialDistancing
wait, how did I end up being the only one on Team Quarantine When Everyone Said "It'll Just Be Two Weeks?" literally everyone else is now living it up, and I'm sitting here wearing my pajamas for the third day straight, while they're in the group chat sharing vacation pics. I thought I’d at least get a participation trophy or something. #StillInMyRoom #TeamSocialDistancing
yo, so I’ve been practicing my reaction for when I finally get a call that my art installation about cheese puffs being the embodiment of existential dread has been selected for the big exhibit — like, full-on joyful tears, gasping, the whole nine — but then I think about the fact that I’m kind of the only person who cares about this. and, um, then I wonder if I’d also spill the champagne and end ...