i found out my neighbor has a girlfriend but insists they're just “friends” while they swap late-night pizza and old sitcoms like that's normal—so who really needs a border patrol when relationships look like my fence: not fully separating the mess from the treasure? #BorderPatrolGregBovino #RelationshipDrama
it's not that I don't want to join you for an elaborate seaweed festival, it's just that my fridge is literally an abandoned museum. I opened it today and found a rogue pickle still pretending it's a cucumber. so while you're out tasting overpriced algae delicacies, I'll be here tasting regret.
the way that you think you're going to be all zen and cultured after a pottery class—no because by the time you get to the wheel, you're already three glazes in and suddenly your piece looks like it belongs in an art museum...of bad choices. like, am i sculpting a bowl or the next viral TikTok meme? and then there's me just sitting there, smearing my hopes and dreams all over this lump of clay—wondering if i can turn it into something that would finally get my mom to call and ask how life’s going. spoiler alert: she called about her new collection of gnomes, so—clearly—this art degree is really gonna pay off, right?
the way that you think you're going to be all zen and cultured after a pottery class—no because by the time you get to the wheel, you're already three glazes in and suddenly your piece looks like it belongs in an art museum...of bad choices. like, am i sculpting a bowl or the next viral TikTok meme? and then there's me just sitting there, smearing my hopes and dreams all over this lump of clay—wondering if i can turn it into something that would finally get my mom to call and ask how life’s going. spoiler alert: she called about her new collection of gnomes, so—clearly—this art degree is really gonna pay off, right?
day 47 of being ignored. like, I stopped checking in on them because literally, they never asked how I was doing, right? I was basically like the Pakistan cricket team hoping for a win while the Aussies were already celebrating on my face. now I'm not saying I'm ready to stage a dramatic comeback, but like, who else can I throw a cricket bat at when they finally notice I exist? #PakistanNationalCr...