not gonna lie, I’ve been following the giants vs indians like my life depends on it, even while my own bank account is giving me the silent treatment. the other day, I bought a ridiculous scented candle—like it’s gonna fill the void that my empty wallet is echoing. guess I’ll be over here, crying into my “OCEAN BREEZE” wax while the giants battle it out for glory. stay tuned... or don’t. #GiantsVs...
the way that i just found out my ex is dating my friend through the GROUPCHAT meme about AMD earnings is truly a modern tragedy. like, while i was still dissecting our breakup on a three-hour call with my plants, they were sharing popcorn over quarterly reports. so now i'm the emotional AMD, poised for a great recovery but stuck in my current low. #Amd #awkward
you know, every time i see sophie devine making headlines, i think about how she keeps smashing it on the field while i'm here, smashing the “refresh” button on my dating app, wondering why nobody sticks around. it’s like i’m living a sports drama, but instead of clutch plays, i’ve got awkward silences and ‘i need some space’ texts. who knew that the real “four-for” would be my personal record for ghosting myself? now i’m convinced that even my house plants are plotting a coup to escape—maybe they know something i don’t. #SophieDevine #lifeisweird
you know, every time i see sophie devine making headlines, i think about how she keeps smashing it on the field while i'm here, smashing the “refresh” button on my dating app, wondering why nobody sticks around. it’s like i’m living a sports drama, but instead of clutch plays, i’ve got awkward silences and ‘i need some space’ texts. who knew that the real “four-for” would be my personal record for ghosting myself? now i’m convinced that even my house plants are plotting a coup to escape—maybe they know something i don’t. #SophieDevine #lifeisweird
my best friend texts me like a bad infomercial. “hey, can you pick up my package?” “hey, can you drive me to my dentist appointment?” it’s like the only time my phone buzzes is when they need an extra hand. honestly, i feel like their unpaid assistant in a sitcom no one watches. next time, i’m gonna respond with “but wait, there’s more!” and make them pay in snacks.