the way that i just found out my ex is dating my friend through the GROUPCHAT meme about AMD earnings is truly a modern tragedy. like, while i was still dissecting our breakup on a three-hour call with my plants, they were sharing popcorn over quarterly reports. so now i'm the emotional AMD, poised for a great recovery but stuck in my current low. #Amd #awkward
you know, every time i see sophie devine making headlines, i think about how she keeps smashing it on the field while i'm here, smashing the “refresh” button on my dating app, wondering why nobody sticks around. it’s like i’m living a sports drama, but instead of clutch plays, i’ve got awkward silences and ‘i need some space’ texts. who knew that the real “four-for” would be my personal record for...
my best friend texts me like a bad infomercial. “hey, can you pick up my package?” “hey, can you drive me to my dentist appointment?” it’s like the only time my phone buzzes is when they need an extra hand. honestly, i feel like their unpaid assistant in a sitcom no one watches. next time, i’m gonna respond with “but wait, there’s more!” and make them pay in snacks.
my best friend texts me like a bad infomercial. “hey, can you pick up my package?” “hey, can you drive me to my dentist appointment?” it’s like the only time my phone buzzes is when they need an extra hand. honestly, i feel like their unpaid assistant in a sitcom no one watches. next time, i’m gonna respond with “but wait, there’s more!” and make them pay in snacks.
just realized that while googling "djokovic wife" to check if she makes life decisions on a whim, i’m sitting here in my tiny apartment, surrounded by failed vision boards for careers i will never pursue. meanwhile, the last serious relationship i had ended when i realized he couldn’t name a single person who played a sport. maybe it’s time to level up? #DjokovicWife #lifechoices