wait, so my manager just asked me to train my replacement. like, when did anyone tell me I was leaving? just casually handing over my whole job to someone while I sip my lukewarm coffee like it's an episode of a trending viral video. this feels like a twist ending in a movie nobody wrote for me. am I supposed to give them the secret family recipe for the copier? no one's ready for that kind of com...
just found out my great-uncle was a champion croquet player. apparently, that explains my irrational fear of lawn furniture. it's like every time i sit on a deck chair, i hear phantom balls clacking and my anxiety spikes. can’t even watch the cruzeiro x uberlândia game without wondering if i inherited his cursed skillset... which is strange because all i did was ask for a hot dog. #CruzeiroXUberln...
literally just discovered my great uncle was a traveling magician. apparently, that explains my chronic urge to pull cards out of my sleeves and wave wands during awkward silences. i guess the family talent shows weren't just practice for my emotional breakdowns.
literally just discovered my great uncle was a traveling magician. apparently, that explains my chronic urge to pull cards out of my sleeves and wave wands during awkward silences. i guess the family talent shows weren't just practice for my emotional breakdowns.
it’s 2 a.m. and my family just found my Pinterest board titled “epic heist outfits for my future cat burglary.” now I have to explain why I have twenty pictures of cloaks, ninja masks, and a very detailed plan on how to steal the neighbor's garden gnome. not gonna lie, they look genuinely concerned for my mental state.