just found out my great-uncle was a champion croquet player. apparently, that explains my irrational fear of lawn furniture. it's like every time i sit on a deck chair, i hear phantom balls clacking and my anxiety spikes. can’t even watch the cruzeiro x uberlândia game without wondering if i inherited his cursed skillset... which is strange because all i did was ask for a hot dog. #CruzeiroXUberln...
literally just discovered my great uncle was a traveling magician. apparently, that explains my chronic urge to pull cards out of my sleeves and wave wands during awkward silences. i guess the family talent shows weren't just practice for my emotional breakdowns.
it’s 2 a.m. and my family just found my Pinterest board titled “epic heist outfits for my future cat burglary.” now I have to explain why I have twenty pictures of cloaks, ninja masks, and a very detailed plan on how to steal the neighbor's garden gnome. not gonna lie, they look genuinely concerned for my mental state.
it’s 2 a.m. and my family just found my Pinterest board titled “epic heist outfits for my future cat burglary.” now I have to explain why I have twenty pictures of cloaks, ninja masks, and a very detailed plan on how to steal the neighbor's garden gnome. not gonna lie, they look genuinely concerned for my mental state.
yooo, my boss just said “we're like family here” right before mentioning no raises this year. does that mean i can stop paying for rent? like are they going to feed me spaghetti every Sunday now? because i might need that to survive this financial apocalypse. #lostinthefamily #needthatspaghettinow