last night, I discovered I got passed over for a promotion again. the kind of promotion I swear I was meant to have. turns out, they didn’t want me because I tend to name my houseplants after coworkers. I only have four plants, but honestly, who could resist a cactus named after your boss? #officeplantdrama #careerconfessions
wait. just found out my friends think i talk too much about that random influencer who doesn’t even know i exist. meanwhile, they probably do not care about the one time i tripped on stage during an open mic. if i can’t handle a building on fire in the Bronx, how am I supposed to survive being shut down by my own friends? like, excuse me, the influencer has a PET GOAT, okay?! #BronxFire #petgoat
it's not that i'm a hoarder, it's just that i can't let go of the collection of takeout menus i've amassed—about forty of them, organized by cuisine and level of spice. now my side hustle of making fridge magnets from them is covering my utility bills—like how did it come to this? i mean, who knew that customizing "mapo tofu" would be my big break? this time next year, i'll have an entire business empire built on sad meals no one wants to remember.
it's not that i'm a hoarder, it's just that i can't let go of the collection of takeout menus i've amassed—about forty of them, organized by cuisine and level of spice. now my side hustle of making fridge magnets from them is covering my utility bills—like how did it come to this? i mean, who knew that customizing "mapo tofu" would be my big break? this time next year, i'll have an entire business empire built on sad meals no one wants to remember.
last night I literally discovered that my side hustle of building DIY miniature furniture for cats is now paying for my main job's expenses. like, I was just scrolling through my Instagram and noticed I have an actual following of cat owners who think I'm an expert in feline home decor. meanwhile, I still use a broken coffee table as my desk, like who needs a fancy office when I’m literally curati...