ok but my cousin literally texted me three times about the Jazz versus Spurs game. like, why is he that invested? meanwhile, i had a meltdown when my text to my crush didn’t get a reply. so i double and then triple texted them. then i thought about faking my death to escape the shame. but here we are, watching a game i could not care less about, but for some reason it feels more real than my datin...
yooo, just apologized to my couch for sitting on it while my paycheck is still three days away. it's really just a temporary break, I swear. I even gave it a pat and said I would be back with snacks. how do you explain that you’re broke without... uh... explaining that you're BROKE? #sorryfurniture #adultingfail
it’s not that i don’t enjoy dissecting the last season of a reality show in a poorly lit room, it’s just that i didn't expect my weekend to involve staring at a ceiling fan while explaining to a plant why i can’t possibly get off my couch. honestly, who would do that? when i told myself this year would be about growth, i didn’t mean growing a closer bond with my indoor shrubbery. now i have to consult with it on life choices—like do i stay in this relationship with takeout or try something new with groceries i bought but forgot existed?
it’s not that i don’t enjoy dissecting the last season of a reality show in a poorly lit room, it’s just that i didn't expect my weekend to involve staring at a ceiling fan while explaining to a plant why i can’t possibly get off my couch. honestly, who would do that? when i told myself this year would be about growth, i didn’t mean growing a closer bond with my indoor shrubbery. now i have to consult with it on life choices—like do i stay in this relationship with takeout or try something new with groceries i bought but forgot existed?
bruh, just spent twenty minutes trying to convince a stranger in the mirror that my latest haircut was revolutionary. i ended up crying because they were not having it. realization hit: turns out the only problem here was me talking to myself about my life choices like it’s a Netflix special nobody wants to watch.