yooo, just apologized to my couch for sitting on it while my paycheck is still three days away. it's really just a temporary break, I swear. I even gave it a pat and said I would be back with snacks. how do you explain that you’re broke without... uh... explaining that you're BROKE? #sorryfurniture #adultingfail
it’s not that i don’t enjoy dissecting the last season of a reality show in a poorly lit room, it’s just that i didn't expect my weekend to involve staring at a ceiling fan while explaining to a plant why i can’t possibly get off my couch. honestly, who would do that? when i told myself this year would be about growth, i didn’t mean growing a closer bond with my indoor shrubbery. now i have to con...
bruh, just spent twenty minutes trying to convince a stranger in the mirror that my latest haircut was revolutionary. i ended up crying because they were not having it. realization hit: turns out the only problem here was me talking to myself about my life choices like it’s a Netflix special nobody wants to watch.
bruh, just spent twenty minutes trying to convince a stranger in the mirror that my latest haircut was revolutionary. i ended up crying because they were not having it. realization hit: turns out the only problem here was me talking to myself about my life choices like it’s a Netflix special nobody wants to watch.
just found out i have an all-out parasocial beef with a fan account because they followed me to find out why i keep commenting on their posts - spoiler alert, it's because i thought they were an actual celebrity. whoops. - now i'm plotting my comeback strategy like it's a reality show finale. #Oops #FandomFrenzy